LOGISTICS. LEGISLATION. LUNACY.


You Must Know the Secret Password if you Want to Volunteer for Trump – Seriously, I’m Not Kidding

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Imagine you are a YUUUUUGE Trump supporter. Imagine the only vision in the whole wide world that doesn’t distress your little Trumpkin heart, is The Donald and his killer hair and his golden tan. And let’s also imagine you are walking down Fifth Avenue in New York City and you happen to find yourself at the cathedral of all holy places, Trump Tower! Beneath the summer sun, the building seems illustrious, as if it was not built by human hands. At that moment,you are graced with a celestial epiphany. You will volunteer at Trump’s phone bank. Driven by a divine force, you march into the building and explain to the security guard how devoted you are to Trump and how you would love to volunteer. Despite the passion swelling in your face as you adamantly praise The Donald, the security guard will not let you pass. You eventually give up and return to the sidewalks.

030116 ATLANTA: Debbie Dooley, with the Atlanta Tea Party, rubs the golden head of a Donald Trump statue “for good luck” on the stage at the Corey Center during a Trump watch party on Monday, March 1, 2016, in Atlanta. Curtis Compton / ccompton@ajc.com

If only our dejected protagonist knew the secret password, he would have been allowed to volunteer. To weed out trouble makers, only prospective Trump volunteers that mention the word “Duchess” to security guards will be allowed entrance.

Like any presidential nominee, the Trump campaign needs volunteers to make calls for them. What they don’t need however, are those pesky rabble-rousers, who could provoke unspeakable damage to the campaign.

One way to assure that only virtuous and genuine Trump devotees are volunteering, is a requirement that just those who know the password gain entrance into the heart of Trump Tower – into The Donald’s circle of trust.

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Obtain by The Daily Beast, this email was sent out from the Trump campaign (while reading, it will be more effective if the Twilight Zone theme song plays in your head).

Everyone remembers Mr. Trump’s victory in New York, his home state Primary and the momentum it gave him to become the presumptive nominee of the Republican party.

But Election 2016 is not won yet. There are more than four months until the General Election and each day counts. ‘How can I support Mr. Trump?’ you may ask. The answer is to make calls for Mr. Trump. Now is the time to lay the groundwork for the General Election. Come to the Call Center in Trump Tower to make calls for Donald Trump.

To show that you are an existing NYS supporter, check-in with building security by providing the special password, “DUTCHESS.” This password is valid now through Tuesday June 21, 2016.

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Initially, this appears to be a very strange campaign tactic. But considering Trump’s voting block, it makes a little more sense. Generally, a less affluent and educated demographic is drawn to Donald Trump’s candidacy.

With that being said, remember when you were young and you could only be allowed in that cool tree-house if you knew the secret password? After months of agony, you finally get the password and you are in! You earned that password. Many unfortunate souls never get it, because they don’t deserve it. But it was hand delivered to you. From that day on, you became a member of an elite group.

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That creepy password is just the beginning of Trump’s eerie volunteer process. As of a few weeks ago, Trump volunteers had to first sign an agreement swearing allegiance to Lord Trump.

According to the Daily Dot, if someone wanted to volunteer for The Donald, they first have to sign a contract that forbids them from defaming anything to do with The Donald

Here is an excerpt from that contract,

2. No Disparagement. During the term of your service and at all times thereafter you hereby promise and agree not to demean or disparage publicly the Company, Mr. Trump, any Trump Company, any Family Member, or any Family Member Company or any asset any of the foregoing own, or product or service any of the foregoing offer, in each case by or in any of the Restricted Means and Contexts and to prevent your employees from doing so.

3. No Competitive Services. Until the Non-Compete Cutoff Date you promise and agree not to assist or counsel, directly or indirectly, for compensation or as a volunteer, any person that is a candidate or exploring candidacy for President of the United States other than Mr. Trump and to prevent your employees from doing so.

Trump volunteer Edna Gingerich of Sarasota makes phone calls for the candidate twice a week and offers his bumper stickers to anyone interested during her usual morning coffee at Bob Evans. STAFF PHOTO / ZAC ANDERSON

More and more everyday, it appears that Trump really does not expect to win. By creating this password organization, The Donald is creating a very loyal fan base. Even if he isn’t president, The Donald assumes they will spend money on his businesses. Being the businessman that he is, it seems that Trump is milking this campaign for every single drop.
Think of all the little Trumpkin hearts that will be broken.

 


Jordan has always been a writer. He has written several novels available on Amazon.com, and he used to write his own column in "The National Enquirer". While Jordan lived in Japan for two years, he was a childhood television star. He was sort of a big deal. In a volunteer position, Jordan teaches adults how to read.


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