During the summer of 2001, I scored an internship writing for The National Enquirer. I was friendly with the main operator, who directed a killer-lead to me.

Some security guard at a mental hospital in Jacksonville, Florida reported that Noella Bush, Jeb’s daughter, was arrested for cocaine and then locked up in their facility. The icing on the cake? Noella Bush escaped the insane asylum.


You wouldn’t find a better adventure in a Batman comic book!

I interviewed the guy for the entire day. Convinced that this would be my big Woodward-Bernstein break, I was walking on air.


The next morning, I ran into the office, only to discover that the story had been killed by the CEO of American Media, David Pecker.

Begrudgingly, I figured that Jeb, the Governor of Florida at the time, must have had some enticing collateral to persuade Mr. Pecker into killing the story.

Paint it however you want, but David Pecker saved the GOP that day. At the time, the Bushes were the most respected names in the GOP. If it came out, that one of their clan members was a hopeless drug addict, what do you think the “religious right” would do?


Every Republican should say a prayer to The Pecker every night.

Fast forward fifteen years.


Donald Trump is the Republican nominee (discrediting my theory that the “religious right” give a shit if someone is the least bit “religious”). In fact, Donald Trump is so offensive and vile that he becomes the first U.S. presidential candidate that not one single major publication will endorse.

With good reason – endorse Donald Trump and you are endorsing his pledge to ban Hispanics and Muslims from entering our country, his disrespect to the nation’s veterans, his more than ten claims of sexual assault, and his class action law suit for fraud!


And then, The National Enquirer again saves the day for the GOP and publishes the article, “Trump Must be President”. Finally, a paper endorses Trump, bringing new definition to the Enquirer’s slogan ‘fact is stranger than fiction’!


“He will chase down illegal immigrants and toss out the criminals who came streaming through our open borders.”

The article credits “the man who has energized millions of voters with his no-nonsense and businesslike run for the White House”. It also gives praise for “finally” forcing Obama to release his birth certificate.


Did Donald Trump’s infamous doctor write this article?

Not only was this endorsement Trump’s first (and last) endorsement from a major paper, but it was also the first time the National Enquirer endorsed a presidential candidate.

Apparently, David Pecker and Donald Trump are b.f.f.s. Donald Trump has even written several op-eds for the paper, including a a series entitled (I couldn’t make this up) “The Man Behind the Legend!”


For every ‘Trump is awesome’ article they have to present a ‘Crooked Hillary’ one. The National Enquirer has had articles ranging from Hillary’s weight gain to her secret lesbian lifestyle.


During the primaries, the National Enquirer was Trump’s best buddy (after his doctor).

There was that article alleging that Jeb Bush had an affair with a “Playboy bunny turned lawyer”. Another article in the Enquirer was entitled “Bungling Surgeon Ben Carson Left Sponge in Person’s Brain”. Let’s not forget the crushing piece on Ted Cruz’ extramarital affairs or the one claiming his dad had something to do with the assassination of JFK!

Despite how ludicrous that last National Enquirer tabloid smut article was, Fox News actually presented it as a real story!!! I guess Fox News and the National Enquirer are not so different after all.

You’d think a publication that writes scandalous stories about Ted Cruz, Ben Carson and Jeb Bush, the three most boring people in the universe, would have a field day with Donald Trump. It seems every other day we hear another glorious scandal starring Donald Trump! However, The National Enquirer never wrote a harmful story about Donald Trump – just heaps of bells and whistles.


Beautiful actress Selma Hayek told the host of Los Angeles El Show del Mandril on Radio Centro 93.9, speaking about Donald Trump,

When I met that man I had a boyfriend and he tried to become his friend to get my number.

He got my number and he would call me to invite me out.

Hayek told The Donald that even if she was not in a relationship, she wouldn’t go out with him.

A few weeks after that most painful rejection, the story appeared in The National Enquirer. Although this story was a bit different from Hayek’s account. In the Enquirer article, Trump plays the heartbreaker. Trump turned her down because she was “too short”.


After finding out about The Donald’s cozy relationship with The Pecker, Hayak’s story becomes a bit more credible.

I began this article about how David Pecker saved the GOP. If that story about Jeb’s coked up daughter would’ve gotten out, the GOP would’ve been in the high water.

If Donald Trump’s popularity has anything to do with The National Enquirer’s devotion, then The National Enquirer could be blamed for torching the GOP.

I’m sure David Pecker would have gotten boat-loads of favors if Trump became president. However, he won’t. The National Enquirer will forever be tainted as an ultra-right wing publication.

I wouldn’t even wipe my ass with that paper.