Fox viewers are celebrating the atrocious ratings that Megyn Kelly and Greta Van Susteren have endured since leaving the mother ship. I’ll try to map out their reasoning, though Hercules tackled less strenuous assignments. I reckon it is exactly like that bitter heartbroken lover. As he watches her walk away, he wishes that she never finds anyone else. If he can’t have her, no one can.

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According to die-hard Fox viewers, Megyn and Greta had the cojones to abandon ship! Plus, they took arms with NBC, Fox’ main competitor. What a slap in the face to every God-fearing Republican! Ultimately though, their betrayal ended in failure. Their ratings suck. Hence, faithful Fox viewers are happy.

But should they really be celebrating the fact that no one else in America finds them interesting? How else can we interpret the fact that a star Fox News anchor is unwatchable on any other channel? Obviously, this is much more indicative of the rabid Fox following, than it is about Megyn or Greta. Drop any deformed and stuttering hunchback as the host of a Fox News program, and they will amass a cult-like following. Give the guy who sells spicy hot-dogs on the corner, a show on Sunday prime-time NBC. However, throw in guests like Vladimir Putin. I guarantee you will see ratings better than what Megyn is dragging in.

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When NBC lured Republican news anchor superstar Megyn Kelly, they were expecting skyrocketing ratings. They gave her a show on Sunday night, the most lucrative time slot of the week. They provided the most compelling guests. Her interview with Vladimir Putin was expected to be cataclysmic. But it wasn’t. In fact, her ratings were horrendous. She has had her show now for five weeks. Each episode her ratings sink deeper and deeper. Megyn’s second “big” show was an interview with far-right wacko Alex Jones. A measly 3.5 million turned in for that yawn-fest. To take ratings in perspective, CBS’ “60 Minutes” won that time slot with 5.3 million viewers, according to Nielsen.

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Greta Van Susteren has suffered a similarly tragic fall from grace. She too was a female, and one of the top anchors on Fox News, the nation’s leading cable news network. She too left Fox around the same time as her co-anchor. Plus, she got her on the show on MSNBC! Her ratings were so atrocious, Greta left MSNC after just six weeks!

If we are to take away anything from this article, it is to envy Fox News hosts. They could be speaking Mandarin to that audience, and they would still worship them.

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There have been other hosts, like Tucker Carlson and Lou Dobbs, who start out on CNN or MSNBC and flourish on Fox. That doesn’t work the other way though. These moronic anchors making glasses out of their hands are laughed at anywhere else besides the mother-ship. Apparently, Fox can present any host, and all their viewers will blindly worship them.

Not the sharpest tools in the shelves.