It is a challenge for President Trump to sit down and read a “boring” government report, filled with all of those big words, and confusing ideas. White House officials have been forced to use a number of clever tactics to preserve Trump’s attention. Let’s say he is in the middle of reading a document, and the ice cream van jingle can be heard outside, or if that festive Fox and Friends theme song suddenly comes on, Trump suddenly becomes like a kid in a candy star. He’ll jump to his feet and start clapping his hands in exuberance. Anything he was just reading will be lost to the molten doldrums of his mind.

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According to an article in Independent, with the help of Reuters, the range of tricks that White House officials must employ to maintain Trump’s attention, are really quite admirable. Take note, parents of ADHD toddlers, these methods can be used at home in the cribs. Any child could read the most boring document.

By far, the most efficient way to keep Trump’s attention, is by including his name several times in every sentence. Let’s face it. Trump’s favorite word is his own name. No vision is more spectacular than that orange face he spies in the mirror. National Security Council officials make sure “as many paragraphs as we can because he keeps reading if he’s mentioned”, they told Reuters.

If your loyalty to Trump defies any seemingly sacrilegious condemnation, read this article I wrote shortly after Trump was elected. According to a White House official, former aides Reince Priebus or Sean Spicer would be tasked twice a day everyday, with placing a secret folder in the president’s hands.

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These folders would contain any news that commended Trump’s character and presidential skills. Trump needs praise like a fat kid needs candy or a junkie needs a fix. As soon as he was handed these folders, Trump would drop whatever he was doing, and proceed to rummage through them. As he flipped through the pages, I could hear his disturbing grunts of ecstasy.

Other tricks to maintain Trump’s attention while reading a document is to use plenty of pictures. Visual images are more likely to keep the attention of someone battling attention deficit problems, like our president. Plenty of pictures, maps, charts and graphs are a lot more cool than an infinite number of boring black and white sentences with all those words and little annoying letters.

He likes to visualize things,” said a senior administration official. “The guy’s a builder. He has spent his whole life looking at architectural renderings and floor plans.” article

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After writing this article, I keep thinking about our president’s bizarre middle school tantrums, accusing his critics (mostly African American) of having low IQs. You don’t expect the president of the United States to be hurling such juvenile insult. Unless of course, these insults are compelled from his own insecurity. Any person who can only read documents feathered with their own names or sprinkled with pretty pictures, is not playing with a full deck. At the least, they shouldn’t be insulting other people’s IQs.